G-Lab Argentina: A New Argentina

While showing some of the analytical tools we created during our final presentation, one of our project’s sponsors interrupted saying in Spanish: “Esto es exactamente lo que necesitamos”—this is exactly what we need. More than excitement, I felt a sense of entitlement on her comment. She was looking directly towards the company’s CEO. The CEO, on the other hand, was quiet at that moment but his face expressions were clear—he understood the relevance and the urgency of the issue. Later during the presentation, the CEO asked a senior executive “Does this make sense to you?”—his response was clear: it was time to move forward and he was on-board to start planning the changes.

One of the reasons I came to MIT Sloan was the action learning programs. Some people describe them as consulting projects—but I disagree with this simplistic view. Having worked as an IT consultant, a management consultant and as a global manager who collaborated with consultants; I can clearly say the following: (1) the host company is not exactly a client, (2) our student group does not have the structure of a consulting team, (3) MIT does not behave like a consulting firm—and the most important difference for me—(4) we are not doing the job from an ivory tower: we are on-the ground and experiencing similar hurdles and excitements than the entrepreneurs and employees we work with. This is a laboratory. This is an experiment—a canvas; it is a unique opportunity to understand a “what if”… what if I decide to run a business in this environment.

Some of my former posts made references to either the development of my understanding of the Argentinian culture and business environment; or to the changes I experienced while living there; but for this final post, I would like to delve into one conclusion I am just starting to formulate:  without a historical context of a culture you are not part of, making political, social or economic assumptions could be very harmful for a foreigner entrepreneur.

I couldn’t really make sense of the political and economic decisions that the Argentinian government had been making for the last couple of years. This inward looking growth by currency-exchange control, import restrictions and tariff increases didn’t make much sense to me. I asked around; got some basic context—but it was clear I was missing many subtleties. I was missing the night stories passed from generation to generation that are so ingrained and ubiquitous that could be ignored during a summary. Why making the same mistakes from the past?

According to the general field of Economics, a liberal economic order can be seen as a public good. And although the liberalization of an economy should benefit all groups in society; special groups who enjoy sector-specific protections will attempt to maintain a closed economy in order to continue receiving these benefits. For this reason, the policymakers in charge of implementing a state intervention must be agnostic to current winners who may become losers. That does not seem ground-breaking knowledge. Nonetheless, as many of us are aware and based on human psychology, gains and losses are not weight equally. This is the reason why future losers have a bigger incentive to engage in collective actions against an open economy, while prospective winners, still uncertain about their payoffs, remain disorganized.

Argentina faced the deepest political crisis in 1976 after the Malvinas War, so it suddenly moved to a radical liberalization of the economy later that year. Argentina had a deep de-regularization of the banking industry in 1977 that resulted in high debt in the early 1980s, another hyperinflation, and a big crash. Why does this keep happening again and again? When would it stop?

I do not really have an answer and although I decided to take a class about Latin American Politics and Policy-making at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government to get a better understanding—it is still very early in the semester for me to make a conclusion. The only thing I can say is that even though Argentina is signaling a move towards an inward looking growth—it is important to understand two important factors: (1) the country does not have a high foreign debt and (2) its strong democracy could certainly repair the damages. It is true that current economic policies may not look very optimistic, but it also certain that there is a whole political and economic system behind those policies that as long as they get fixed, the engine will keep moving.

 “A new Argentina, a new age about to begin

A new Argentina, we face the world together

And no dissent within”

– From Evita, "A New Argentina"

G-Lab Argentina: El Exprimidor

“The gap between the official rate and the blue gap rate continues to increase” said one of the
guests during the radio show “El Exprimidor”—one of the most acclaimed and respected news programs in Buenos Aires. “This trend is expected to continue as the supply of official foreign capital diminishes and the need to perform these transactions keeps increasing”. The insightful interview touched on the different economic and political causes of this phenomenon, it
delved into multiple data analysis required to understand the situation--and it discussed different plausible paths for the coming future—some were certainly not optimistic.

The taxi driver and I were following the arguments in total awe—the show was thought-provoking and funny, satirical but astute.  When we both started laughing after a joke about the president, I realized I was actually learning something about this country and that our taxi driver was deeply knowledgeable and very interested about the future of his country. We stopped a couple of steps behind the famous Plaza de Mayo, and walked towards Conexia’s office.

History can certainly teach us much about our present and our future. In 1976, a military coup took place in Argentina. Although the country had experienced different authoritarian regimes in the past, this new one was particularly coercive: it banned political activity, strike rights, and
it implemented policies that made market economics extremely difficult. The political climate of Argentina today is very different, the labor unions do have a place in the political arena and human rights advocates are not silent. Nonetheless, the discomfort of the Argentinians is evident with the path the country is taking and they are not shy to make it visible.

As we prepare for our final presentation, I ponder in the importance of learning and how to convey our message effectively.  We specifically wrote in our report: “One key component of our recommended sales process is to embrace continuous learning by formalizing steps to gather and share feedback. This will create an opportunity for Conexia’s sales process to constantly evolve as their needs change.”
Learning from the past
Learning by doing
Learning for the future 

http://imaginafm.com.ar/programas/el-exprimidor/20120808/programa/1740662.aspx

G-Lab Argentina: Nostalgia

I felt the breeze as I walked down the stairs. “Just say yes, just say yes”—it was a constant loop in my head, repeating: “Just say yes”. Nothing happened. Not a word. The actor couldn’t make up his mind. I kept walking. Just as in the play I finished seeing. Lights dimming. People clapping.

“The worst nostalgia is to mourn what never ever happened”. Sabines’s words suddenly appeared under my feet as I kept walking. As I closed my eyes, songs from Alejandro Sanz and Charly García surrounded me around the Rodriguez Peña Plaza. Love poems from Spain, Mexico, and Argentina. I waited. I wanted the Buenos Aires that flew away, the one that flew away from a dawn waving love around. I got it. I think I finally got it.

AMOR POR Buenos Aires

Somehow, the crooked streets and the city noises were charming, they had personality: they were even elegant. I was closer to home but I wanted to keep wandering. Somehow, I was starting to feel part of this city. “You’re becoming Argentinian”—a guy from work told me today when I told him I was having an empanada as a mid-afternoon snack. LOVE for Buenos Aires. For the paradoxes that surround me. For the pride I feel. For the baggage I am able to leave behind. Not for what I am but who I am.

I was asked this morning during a press interview: “What did you learn by doing business in Argentina?” I remembered at that moment the play and how conflicted I was: “Just say yes, just say yes”.

G-Lab Argentina: In Praise of Darkness

“Buenos Aires,
which once broke up in a tatter of slums and open lots
out toward the endless plain,
is not again the graveyard of the Recoleta, the Retiro square,
the shabby streets of the old Westside,
and the few vanishing decrepit houses
that we still call the South.”

Extract from “Elogio de la Sombra” by Jorge Luis Borges
translated from Spanish by Norman Thomas di Giovanni

Borges, one of the most acclaimed writers in history—and an Argentinian—loved to write about the paradox of self-discovery, and “In Praise of Darkness”, he excels in his ability. He once described Argentinians as if they live their lives as in a dream, without knowing who they were or what they were.

Buenos Aires, feels to me, like a troubled middle-age educated white man raised in a working family. Although he may have not had the most privileged childhood, his efforts and skills led him to attend a prestigious college and became a healthy handsome man. His family built high expectations around his future (their future), and blinded by his newly acquired self-confidence, he made a couple of reckless decisions that are still dragging him today. The problem with this man is that he still wants to believe that success is written in his fate—he looks at the mirror and still sees his dreamy blue eyes and that seductive smile who never failed him. He fails, though, to note his wrinkled skin and his also newly acquired receding hairline. Nowadays, his family is very divided on its admiration—so much potential and still, just a shadow of what they once hoped for him (for them).

He looks once more at the mirror—the one he bought in Florida Street when he was still a teenager. He starts hearing some music in the background and remembers her—she really looked beautiful that steamy summer night when they attended their first show at Teatro Colón. He looks once more and he’s afraid.
     Afraid to see what others see
     Afraid to let go part of his identify
     Afraid to finally become what he was destined to be
     What he must ought to be

“El día que me quieras
endulzará sus cuerdas
el pájaro cantor,
florecerá la vida,
no existirá el dolor...”

El día que me quieras (1935). Music by Carlos Gardel. Lyrics by Alfredo Le Pera. Based on poem by Amado Nervo

China Lab: The unbearable lightness of projects

Learning how to set and manage expectations is one of the most important skills in project management. Interesting enough, one never stops learning.

Before coming to MIT Sloan, I worked for more than four years managing global projects with over 30 stakeholders located all across the world--this is one of the few areas of knowledge where I considered having expertise. During the China Lab class, the experience of defining and freezing the project scope was not an issue for our team. In addition, thanks to the hard work of our Chinese teammates, our finished deliverable provided our host company with specific tools and sample documents to start the implementation of our recommendation—besides a list of next steps.

Nonetheless, there was not a milestone in our project plan to spend quality time with our teammates from China on their trip to the US—besides scheduled school work and group lunches. Additionally, that final week ended up being one of the most demanding times at Sloan during my first year and as it sometimes happens; lack of sleep and extra work knocked me down with fever during the weekend.

I set the expectations with my Chinese counterparts that my time was going to be very limited before they reached US ground and as a result of my sickness, they were candid and comprehensive with my even more limited situation. Nonetheless, this doesn’t remove the sense of guilt that they traveled literally half-across the globe and I couldn’t be the host I wanted to be.

So… what happens when the expectations are clearly set and defined… but the bitter taste doesn’t go away? My answer is simple: people are not projects--and setting expectations is not always the holy grail. On the positive side, people are not projects and deadlines are not set in stone. The fact that my teammates are not longer in American soil doesn't mean that our relationship cannot keep growing. People are not projects and I'm happy about having to deal with the heaviness of human relations.

China Lab: Note From The Future

2012 was the year I visited China for the first time in my life. I was part of an action oriented course at MIT in partnership with Xi’an Jiaotong University and stayed in Xi’an for two weeks. Funny that I still remember some vivid details of that experience as if I had just came back from there.

There was so much hype about the economical rising of China during those days! The believers kept talking about its impressive infrastructure, its growing middle class, and the remarkable attention to detail of the Chinese government. The detractors, on the other hand, kept pointing out the social fractures, the political oppression, and the language barriers.

When I reflect back on those days, it’s impossible to dismiss the prevalent egocentrism of many westerners on this topic—sadly; I was one of them. There is a Chinese Proverb that says “Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.” I failed many times at this. Even though English is my second language and I have an accent when I speak, I couldn’t stop getting frustrated by the complexities surrounding our project due to language and cultural barriers. At that time, I was blaming “them”.

Yes, I was blaming “them” even though I argued with some of my classmates that China didn’t have to learn English and didn’t have to adapt their traditions for our own convenience in order to succeed. I agreed at that time that a transitional period may be required, but it was clear to me that the balance could go either way. Even then, I still didn’t believe the average Joe—I mean—Wei had to learn English. Making that assumption was egocentric, but that was our world. We traveled the world expecting the world to understand and adapt to us.

Knowing what we know today and based on the role that China plays in the world, these arguments seem laughable—but at that time, we still didn’t know. We were so far behind that the question was not even if China was going to succeed by adapting to the world or adapting the world to her—we were still questioning if China was going to succeed at all. As we learned in our time there, China in Mandarin has the name of Zhong Guo, which means the "Middle Country" or "Middle Kingdom"—or as our Xi’an partners preferred to translate it: “The center of the Universe”. I guess the egocentrism was already present from both sides of the coin. In those circumstances, I can see why it was still difficult to make a sound prediction, but that was our world. We lived our lives expecting to get notes from the future clarifying exactly what was in front of our eyes.

China Lab: Creative Minds and Inquisitive Spirits

There were at least 40 people. I couldn’t see how big the crowd was as we were at least 50 feet away when we turned back. The protesters had multiple signs and were blocking a big intersection in Xi’an. Still in the car, I asked our iMBA partner if this was a common event in Xi’an. He told me if it were common, he wouldn’t know as news channels were not allowed to report on protesters. End of the conversation about this event. We were too far away to even know what the fuzz was about. No more questions were asked.
 
Experiencing the richness of a millenary culture has been a humbling experience for me. The food, the music, the architecture, the language and more importantly: the spirit and the resilience of people who are more than just past and present—they are future. There are over 1.3 billion people in China and among them—I believe—thousands and thousands of poets, writers, painters, thinkers, journalists, musicians: artists and intellectuals who live and act with no regard of conventional rules of behaviors. As we took a turn in our way to meet our client that morning, I couldn’t keep from wondering—Where are they? How long could this last? How long can these creative minds and inquisitive spirits be contained?

We arrived to our client and as we were presenting the initial data from our employee’s survey, something started bothering me. When we confidently said that 80% of the people agree or strongly agree with the statement “I feel comfortable approaching my direct supervisor when something is bothering me” as a highlight, I couldn’t keep but questioning our own data. Was this true? Were people comfortable expressing their opinions? We made sure the surveys were distributed and answered anonymously. There was no way to keep track of the answers to specific individuals. I had zero evidence to think otherwise. I decided not to bring the topic to the conversation and we kept the flow. The presentation ended and we started drafting our next set of goals for the project. No more questions were asked.

China Lab: Showing Face vs Saving Face

After our 30-hours long journey, the rough but promising sound of the baggage carousel at the Xi’an International Airport stopped along with our hopes of seeing our luggage. Being the only people left waiting, two concerned but helpful ladies approached to us. “Before arriving to Beijing, we flew from from Newark”—we told them. After a short but vivid discussion in Mandarin, they started walking away with our tickets: we decided to follow.

They entered a small room behind a lackluster customer service stand. We couldn’t see anything happening: no computers, no phones, no smiley faces---just a tall counter and some papers floating. I’m a very relaxed and patient person, but I started to doubt something was going to happen. The ladies were outside of my sight and no one was telling me “We’re working on this”, “Everything is going to be all right” or at least an acknowledgement that “We deal with these situations all the time”.

Ten minutes later, they came out of the small room: “We couldn’t communicate with Beijing”—they said. We filled out a complicated paper form and were told: “We will contact you later with more information”. We asked for estimated contact time, probabilities that the luggage was going to arrive the next day, or next steps. We received a blank stare and a simple but concise “We will contact you later with more information”.

That night, we reached our host in Xi’an and told her about our incident—as we provided her phone number as our contact number. We asked her to keep us updated as soon as she knew something. No answer for the next 10 hours. We asked the reception at the hotel to check with the airport if there were news about our luggage. No answer. Sigh.

When we saw our host for lunch, she calmly told us after some minutes of small talk: "Everything is fixed. Your luggage will arrive tonight. We already arranged the transportation to the hotel". This is when I remember our coach explaining to us the differences between “showing face” and “saving face”. I get it now.

We are used to be told what exactly is happening behind the curtains, to have the ability to track the status of every process we enter, and to have a smiley face holding our hands while we impatiently wait. Things may not work out at the end, but seeing the hard work during the process is very comforting and I like it, at least, I think I like it. I wonder now—wouldn’t be more comforting to know that things will work out at the end with no idea of what’s happening in between? I’m still trying to decide.

I am in China now.

Seis meses después

¿Algún día se terminará este sentimiento? ¿Algún dejaré de llorar por ti? Tal vez es la llegada del invierno, las largas noches o la primer nevada. Tal vez es el finalmente tener un par de días con un poco de tranquilidad. No lo sé, pero no he parado de llorar desde que escuché la canción "High and Low" de Greg Laswell.

I'm going to see some friends from out of state
The very trip you
were supposed to take a while ago but it fell through
Like all of you
Like all of you

Thought I'd make the drive but a free plane ride
is in the air
And just like that my fear of it disappeared
Like all of you
Like all of you

And I look high and low for yesterday
High and low
for you and I
High and low

Once I can see straight I might move
Somewhere cold
Seattle or the Bay area; to see your ghost
What's left of you
What's left of you

And I look high and low for yesterday
High and low for you and I
High and low

Found a letter from a man I might have met
Addressed to you
And I'll steal the words he ended with:
I miss you
And I do
Miss you
And I do

High and low for
yesterday
High and low for you and I
High and low

Hace días te soñé. Soñaba que te veía caminar frente a mí. Durante todo el sueño la angustia de verte y no saber qué hacer me consumió poco a poco. Durante el sueño, cuando te volví a ver, sólo te seguí con la mirada y te me fuiste una vez más.

Angustia masculina

Han pasado alrededor de 50 horas después de mi operación. Estoy mucho más calmado al saber que no ha habido más sangrado de lo esperado y que el dolor ha sido bastante leve gracias a las pastillas que me fueron recomendadas.

No he muerto y aún tengo la capacidad para aumentar de tamaño, al menos eso lo he comprobado al despertarme tanto Jueves como Viernes. No obstante, aún continúo muy nervioso.

Al mediodía, después de tomar mi primer baño, ya sin la gaza, observé con más detenimiento el causante de toda esta conmoción y no estoy seguro si lo que estoy viendo es normal o es algo pasajero. El doctor me comentó varias veces que me iba a asustar los primero días, ya que la hinchazón iba a ser bastante prominente. Vaya que lo estoy.

Punto final

Me cuesta tanto trabajo ponerle un punto final a esta etapa de mi vida. Han sido más de cinco años y no puedo desprenderme tan fácilmente. He venido haciéndolo durante los dos últimos años, y es finalmente hoy cuando todo termina.

Yo sé que esto lo hago por mi bien, sé que saldré adelante, sé que esto lo veré como un aprendizaje en el futuro. Hoy, hoy me siento destrozado. Me desmorono en pedacitos tan pequeños que no puedo distinguirlos. Me confundo con la tierra, con la alfombra, con quien he sido y con quien quiero ser.

Hice todo lo que pude. Me presenté de la manera más honesta que conozco, la más vulnerable. Lo hice sabiendo las consecuencias y no me arrepiento. Siempre he sabido luchar por lo que quiero, y esto es lo que más he querido en toda mi vida. Finalmente, es por lo que todas las demás batallas fueron peleadas.

Esta noche, en el aeropuerto de Houston me preguntaron en seguridad. "Are you feeling ok?" No exactamente -- les contesté. "Are you leaving someone behind?" Sí, y me cuesta el sólo escribirlo. No quiero dejarlo atrás, no quiero, no quiero, no quiero.

No quiero que deje ser parte de mi vida. Tal vez en el futuro pueda volver a ser mi amigo. Hoy no puede serlo. Hoy acabo de borrarlo en mi "facebook" -- y aunque parezca infantil, me ha dolido y me sigue doliendo. Tenía que hacerlo hoy, si no, sabía que no lo hubiese hecho mañana. El tener tanta información a las puntas de mis manos era una tortura. No tengo la suficiente fuerza de voluntad. No por el momento.

El cómo fué no podré describirlo en estos momentos. El amor de mi vida, como la conozco el día de hoy, se me ha marchado y me ha dejado un hueco que tendré que ir construyendo poco a poco. Ahora necesito a mis amigos. Necesito darle un giro positivo a estas heridas. Tengo por delante una vida entera. Una vida que, aunque la garganta se me cierre al pensarlo, una vida que tengo que planear sin Mike.

Desde Buenos Aires

People say you need to let your heart speak out and you’ll feel better. But today, I am not sure I can hear it anymore. I do feel it, but not vibrant, beating or wounded. Today, it is more like a numb arm. As long as I don’t move it, I don’t feel the pain.

Rechazado. Mendigando caricias. Suplicando la oportunidad de entregar mi cariño. Racionalizando el porqué merezco la felicidad. Humillado y reducido al trillado enamorado que no quiere aceptar que su tiempo terminó años atrás. No te culpo por no causarte el sentimiento de antaño. ¿Cómo puedo enamorarte si me he convertido en una triste caricatura de mi mismo? Puede ser que tú hayas sido el amor de mi vida, pero me queda claro que yo no soy el tuyo. Deseo con todas mis fuerzas detestarte. Sería más fácil. Tengo que conformarme con aceptar que no hay villano en esta historia, y que cuando mi nombre aparezca en tu historia, será como remembranza del amor que pudo ser y que no fue. Como un ideal y una fantasía que el tiempo desgastó, y que lamentablemente, no tiene compostura.

Te amo, y siempre te amaré dentro de mi corazón. Eso no lo puedo cambiar. Sé que te amaré hasta que mi vida termine, pero necesito también amarme a mí mismo y darme la oportunidad de amar a alguien que también me corresponda con la misma intensidad.

La calma

"The fruit falls only in its own time, since its weight has long been pulling it
toward the earth: this inner ripening is the only fataliy"

Alexis. Marguerite Yourcenar, P52

Una calma disfrazada de zozobra y de hastío. Después de varios meses donde mi tiempo fue consumido, contra mi voluntad, por actividades laborales; finalmente, en mi sosiego de esta mañana, tengo mucho miedo.

No sé qué esperar y al mismo tiempo, mi lista es interminable. Por un lado, espero todo, que supongo que es lo que uno espera cuando ama. Tengo que asegurarme que mi agitado, pero paciente corazón, sepa reconstruirse si se retira seco de este encuentro. Tengo que asegurarme de proporcionarle el calor necesario y una rehabilitación constante. Tengo que esperar nada, que es también lo que uno espera cuando ama.

Pero aún así, a pesar de todo, tengo esperanza.

As I Lay Dying

Hay libros que te cautivan por su singular estilo, otros por su prosa, mientras otros, por la universalidad de su historia. "As I Lay Dying" me cautivó en todos los sentidos. No sólo es el hecho de que es una historia narrada desde la perspectiva de más de 20 personajes, sino que cada personaje te la cuenta a través de su flujo de conciencia. Además, la prosa de Faulkner es ridículamente espectacular. Cada párrafo es una aventura donde el narrador no sólo te describe lo que sucede literalmente, pero la tragedia o belleza involucrada en lo que fue, en lo que es o en lo que representará para los personajes.

"She looks at Vardaman; her eyes, the life in them, rushing suddenly upon them; the two flames glare up for a steady instant. Then they go out as though someone had leaned down and blown upon them."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p48

"In the sand the wheels whisper, as though the very earth would hush our entry. We descend as the hill commences to rise."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p229

Es así que Faulkner no sólo nos presta sus ojos y oídos para contemplar la historia, pero nos adentra a través de todo ser vivo para prestarnos su sexto sentido por algunos momentos.

"The mules stand, their fore quarters already sloped a little, their rumps high. They too are breathing now with a deep groaning sound; looking back once, their gaze sweeps across us with in their eyes a wild, sad, profound and despairing quality as though they had already seen in the thick water the shape of the disaster which they could not speak and we could not see."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p147

Dentro de esta historia, hay pasajes llenos de honestidad y vulnerabilidad;

"I am not crying now. I am not anything. Dewey Dell comes to the hill and calls me. Vardaman. I am not anything. I am quiet. You, Vardaman. I can cry quiet now, feeling and hearing my tears."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p56

mientras que están aquellos de reclamo a la sociedad y a sus costumbres;

"It was as though, so long as the deceit ran along quiet and monotonous, all of us let ourselves be deceived, abetting it unawares or maybe through cowardice, since all people are cowards and naturally prefer any kind of treachery because it has a bland outside."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p134

"When he was born I knew that motherhood was invented by someone who had to have a word for it because the ones that had the children didn't care whether there was a word for it or not."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p171

"He had a word, too. Love, he called it. But I had been used to words for a long time. I knew that that word was like the others: just a shape to fill a lack; that when the right time came, you wouldn't need a word for that anymore than for pride or fear. Cash did not need to say it to me nor I to him, and I would say, Let Anse use it, if he wants to. So that it was Anse or love; love or Anse; it didn't matter."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p172

o los que simplemente acusan a sus semejantes por sus actitudes o acciones.

"I knew that nobody but a luckless man could ever need a doctor in the face of a cyclone. And I knew that if it had finally occurred to Anse himself that he needed one, it was already too late."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p42

"I notice how it takes a lazy man, a man that hates moving, to get set on moving once he does get started off, the same as he was set on staying still, like it aint the moving he hates so much as the starting and the stopping."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p114

"I would think of a sin as I would think of the clothes we both wore in the world's face, of the circumspection neccesary because he was he and I was I; the sin themore utter and terrible since he was the instrument ordained by God who created the sin, to sanctify that sin He had created."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p174

No obstante, nunca se pierde este sentido de reflexión durante toda la historia. Reflexión sobre quiénes somos y en dónde estamos.

"'Why aint I a town boy, pa?' I said. God made me. I did not said to God to made me in the country."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p66

"I don't know what I am. I don't know if I am or not. Jewel knows he is, becuase he does not know that he does not know whether he is or not."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p80

"It is as though the space between us were time: an irrevocable quality. It is as though time, no longer running straight before us in a diminishing line, now runs parallel between us like a looping string, the distance being the doubling accretion of the thread and not the inverval between."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p146

Y es gracias a estas continuas reflexiones de sus personajes y su evolución durante la historia, que "As I Lay Dying" se convierte en más allá que en la odisea de una familia en duelo; pero en una poderosa instrospección del comportamiento humano; de sus luces y sus sombras, y el constante cambio de reflectores.

"Sometimes I aint so sho who's got ere a right to say when a man is crazy and when he aint. Sometimes I think it aint none of us pure crazy and aint none of us pure sane until the balance of us talks him that-a-way. It's like it aint to much what a fellow does, but it's the way the majority of folks is looking at him when he does it."

Faulkner, William. "As I lay dying". p233

El tiempo lo cura todo

Estoy convencido que el tiempo lo cura todo. La incertidumbre no está en la solución, pero en la duración del método. No es cuestión de razón, ya que mis ríos o desplomes son irracionales, pero eso no los convierte en quimeras.

Frente a un sublime atardecer de diciembre, cierro mis ojos. Proclamo mi derecho a disfrutar del naranja en los árboles y del bermellón del sol, de la brisa que seca mis ojos y del crujir de mis estómagos.



Wait It On
Imogen Heap

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions.
Clambering for the scraps
in the shatter of us collapsed.
It cuts me with every could-have-been.

Pain on pain on play, repeating
With the backup makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

There's nothing to see here now,
turning the sign around;
We're closed to the Earth 'til further notice.
A Stumbling cliche case,
crumbled and puffy faced.
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles.

All I want, only one street-level miracle.
I'll be a an out-and-out, born again from none more cynical.

Everybody says time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

And sit here cold?
Well, We'll be long gone by then.
And lackluster in dust we lay
Around old magazines.
Fluorescent lighting sets the scene
for all we could and should be being
in the one life that we've got.

(Ah, Ah, Ah)

In the one life that we've got.

Everybody says that time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?

Are we just going to wait it out? sit Here?
Just going to Wait it out? Sit here cold?
Just going to sweat it out?
Wait it out.

Práctica

Hoy decidí hacer otro examen de prueba con más atención al tiempo y tengo que aceptar que sí tiene efecto, sobre todo en la cuestión de comprensión de lectura en el examen verbal; y en los últimos problemas en la parte cuantitativa.

Los resultados no fueron tan diferentes de mi anterior examen, pero sí me di cuenta que los nervios sí tuvieron efecto. Esta vez obtuve 520 en la parte Verbal y 780 en la Cuantitativa.

¿Mi filosofía? Seguir practicando -- al menos ya estoy en el rango que estoy buscando, aunque las preguntas cuantitativas de estos exámenes han estado muy fáciles y aún así he cometido errores. En fin. A seguirle.

Respiro

Después de dos semanas de arduo estudio, al parecer, ya no estoy tan en el hoyo. Debido a que no tengo acceso a demasiados exámenes computarizados, decidí hacer uno en papel. ¿Mis resultados? Mucho mejor que el primer intento.

En la parte cuantitativa obtuve 770 y en la verbal 550. Mucho mejor que la primera vez. Por supuesto, este resultado no lo puedo tomar como verdadero porque normalmente los exámenes en papel son más sencillos. Además, en la segunda parte de la parte cuantitativa, las dos últimas preguntas las contesté fuera de tiempo -- lo que me daría un 750 si no las hubiera contado como acertadas.

Me preocupa un poco la parte verbal, en el hecho de que varias preguntas en las que me equivoco utilizan sustantivos que no van a venir en las guías de estudio, ya que son sustantivos referentes a "cosas" -- no a sentimientos o actitudes, o que tienen un significado diferente al común. Por ejemplo:

coop: enclosure for poultry: an enclosure or hut in which poultry is kept
boring: excavating galleries in wood in feeding or in constructing a nest —used chiefly of an insect
die: any of various tools or devices for imparting a desired shape, form, or finish to a material or for impressing an object or material

En fin, esto no se acaba hasta que se acaba.

Miedo mil

Hoy me decidí a tomar el primer test de prueba del GRE a ver qué tal salía y mis resultados no fueron nada prometedores. En la parte cuantitativa obtuve 610 y en la verbal 410. Es decir, bienvenido a tuescuelita.com :S

Tengo varias semanas para prepararme y este resultado ha hecho que me ponga las pilas si en realidad quiero obtener 1300 (750 + 550). La verdad el examen me puso demasiado nervioso, tanto que terminé la sección cuantitativa con 10 minutos de sobra y la verbal con 5 minutos extras. Lo bueno es que cuando revisé la sección cuantitativa me di cuenta que 4 de las 8 respuestas equivocadas fueron por no leer bien.

1. No me di cuenta que en un problema usaban pies y pulgadas y todo lo calculé en base a pies
2. No me di cuenta que el enunciado decía "the larger of the two numbers" en lugar de sólo "the two numbers"
3. No me di cuenta que la gráfica decía "miles" en el eje de las y
4. Seleccioné la respuesta equivocada en la computadora (gracias)

Del resto, dos las pude haber resuelto con más tiempo (finalmente me sobraron diez minutos) y las otras dos sí mostraron deficiencias matemáticas que puedo mejorar.

En la cuestión verbal, ¿cómo empezar con todas las deficiencias? Malísimo para los antónimos y algo que la verdad no esperaba, para comprensión de lectura. Aunque mi vocabulario ha mejorado con la semana de estudio que llevo, aún me falta mucho. He aquí la lista de definiciones de palabras que de haber sabido, hubiera contestado correctamente los antónimos

• vain: excessively proud: excessively proud, especially of personal appearance
• subdue: repress emotions: to repress or control feelings
• beleaguered: to make somebody feel harassed, hemmed in, or under severe pressure
• moratorium: agreed period of delay: a formally agreed period during which an activity is halted or a planned activity is postponed
• askew: off center: at an angle
• dismay: alarm somebody: to fill somebody with alarm, apprehension, or distress
• animate: inspire somebody: to rouse or inspire somebody to take action or to have strong feelings
• enervate: weaken: to weaken somebody's physical, mental, or moral vitality

La verdad espero que este resultado mejore. Voy a necesitar mucha disciplina.

Brontosaurio Psíquico

Buenísimos.

Es bastante reconfortante saber que hay una comunidad que tiene un humor parecido al mío.

¿En sus marcas?

Me tomó varios días de preparación psicológica pero el miércoles 16 de Septiembre, para conmemorar la Independencia de México, decidí comenzar oficialmente mi preparación para el GRE.

Nunca me he preparado para un examen de este tipo en mi vida, por lo que no tengo la menor idea de cómo será mi resultado. La única experiencia similar que he tenido fue cuando presenté la versión mexicana del SAT para entrar a la preparatoria. En aquel entonces sólo tuve un fin de semana de preparación sin contar que no tenía mucha idea de los conceptos de trigonometría y mi resultado fue sobresaliente, pero no excepcional.

¿Qué resultado estoy pronosticando? Idealmente me gustaría estar en el 75% para tener suficientes opciones en mi elección de programa de posgrado. No obstante, el hecho de que el examen esté en inglés y que prácticamente me gradué hace seis años, me hace dudar mucho sobre mi posible rendimiento.

¿Listos?

Creo que no, pero si no comienzo, nunca lo estaré. Lo peor que puede pasar es que mi resultado sea malo y tenga que volver a presentarlo; y si aún así mi resultado sigue siendo malo --- bueno pues, ya me preocuparé para ese entonces.