Call me by your name

Cuando tomas un libro entre tus manos, la distancia entre tus ojos y las páginas normalmente se desvanece y te trasportas a latitudes y épocas diferentes. No obstante, hay ocasiones en las que uno no viaja a pueblitos mediterráneos a principios de los 80s. En contraste, nos damos cuenta que uno de esos pueblitos italianos ya vivía dentro de nosotros, y sólo lo estamos descubriendo en forma de palabras.

Hay historias que aunque tal vez no sean tuyas, las haces tuyas -- y esto me pasó con un pequeño librito que leí hace unas semanas llamado "Call me by your name" por André Aciman. Aunque no es una obra maestra literaria, sí es una lectura muy honesta y tierna que me fue prácticamente imposible dejar de leer de principio a fin en cuestión de horas.

Me captivó la inocencia del primer amor, de esa vez -- ajena a tu conocimiento, que descubriste fuerza donde sólo existían suspiros.

"He was waiting for me to say something. He was staring at me. This, I think, is the first time I dared myself to stare back at him. Usually, I'd cast a glance and then look away -- look away because I didn't want to swim in the lovely, clear pool of his eyes unless I'd been invited to -- and I never waited long enough to know whether I was even wanted there; look away because I was too scared to stare anyone back; look away because I didn't want to give anything away; look away because I couldn't aknowledge how much he mattered. Look away because that steely gaze of his always reminded me of how tall he stood and how far below him I ranked. Now, in the silence of the moment, I stared back, not to defy him, or to show I wasn't shy any longer, but to surrender, to tell him this is who I am, this is who you are, this is what I want, there is nothing but truth between us now, and where there's truth there are no barriers, no shifty glances, and if nothing comes of this, let it never be said that either os us was unaware of what might happen. I hadn't a hope left. And maybe I stared back because there wasn't a thing to lose now. I stared back with the all-knowing, I-dare-you-to-kiss-me-gaze of someone who both challenges and flees with one and the same gesture."

Aciman, André. "Call me by your name". p78

Me captivó la inocencia del primer amor, de esa vez -- ajena a tu conocimiento, que descubriste que tus expectativas son diferentes a las realidades.

"I felt like a child who, despite all manners of indirect pleas and hints, find himself unable to remind his parents they'd promised to take him to the toy store."

Aciman, André. "Call me by your name". p192

Me captivó la inocencia del primer amor, de esa vez -- ajena a tu conocimiento, que descubriste que quien más te ama, es también quien más daño puede causarte.

"It never ocurred to me that if one word from him could make me so happy, another could just as easily crush me"

Aciman, André. "Call me by your name". p49

Me captivó la inocencia del primer amor, de esa vez -- ajena a tu conocimiento, que ibas creando historia en tu vida, de ese momento en el presente que viviría por siempre en tu futuro.

"Any moment now we were going to say goodbye. Suddenly part of my life was going to be taken away from me now and would never be given back."

Aciman, André. "Call me by your name". p242

Sin embargo, en esta ocasión, en lugar de fomentar el sentimiento del amor primer amor perdido, me quedaré con una frase muy hermosa al comienzo de la historia. Frase que aunque es de nuestro conocimiento, olvidamos frecuentemente.

"P.S. We are not written for one instrument alone; I am not, neither are you."

Aciman, André. "Call me by your name". p13